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Jan. 20, 2010
By Ronall Wier
NORTH LIBERTY LEADER
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| Ronall Wier |
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I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but it has been colder than a "witch digger's brass monkey," making me feel a little unsettled about the unexpected weather. I called the lady who sold me my condo, to share my apprehension with her, and she reassured me that the mid 50s is really more the norm for Iowa in January, and that this is an iconic year. That comes as quite a relief, as I was afraid that I might have made a mistake in moving here to retire.
Thinking back to when I was in junior college and spending much of my time between classes in the student union lounge while assiduously avoiding the library, I observed to one of my regular table mates that the various seating arrangements were usually divided along racial and ethnic lines. Birds of a feather flocking together, in a manner of speaking. I shared my curiosity about this with my friend, who asked me if I felt any particular feelings in common with any group of people myself.
"Veterans," I answered.
"And why is that?" she asked me.
I thought about that for a few seconds and said to her that I supposed that it was because I knew that all of them have been through a lot of the same BS that I have.
"And there you have it," she answered. That mirrors what Midwesterners have always had in common: a big puddle of slush and freezing rain doesn't discriminate much between who it is - man or child, fat or skinny, liberal or conservative - that gets cold or wet. There is a certain camaraderie born of shared misery.
Speaking of shared misery, flying on a commercial airliner used to be fun. Sept. 11 kind of killed it, but going through scanners that see right through your clothes has put the fun right back in it. I'm always looking to invent something that I can market and make a few bucks from time to time, and I think that those scanners should come equipped with a laugh track like a sitcom. Imagine the comforting cacophony of guffaws and chortles in the background as you stand there chilling in your hospital gown, unaware as to whether they are trying to insult you, or a fellow traveler who is in even worse shape than you are. (It may not be necessary from a technology standpoint to don a hospital gown, as the scanners will be able to see through any wardrobe; however, sometimes closer scrutiny is necessary and in the interest of speed.) This process will offer a huge benefit to revenue starved airlines as well, helping to generate substantial profits through selling unlimited $5 cocktails before herding passengers through the indignity of the security check. I wish I had thought of that the last time I had an MRI.
Of all of the helpful warnings that we receive on a regular basis from our friendly media (if it's 20 below, dress warmly, etc.), I don't remember one single warning reminding us that if your seatmate on the airline is trying to light his underwear on fire, you should immediately become suspicious and ring for the air hostess. This was a huge oversight, in my opinion. With the media's solid grasp of the obvious, I am amazed that no one even considered this possibility.
I have read your cards and letters written in defense of our politicians (both of them), and had a pretty good laugh. Please keep them coming.
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