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Feb. 10, 2010
By Brian Fleck
NORTH LIBERTY LEADER
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| Brian Fleck |
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About a decade ago after losing my car keys and wallet for the umpteenth time I hit upon a solution: double down and attach the two together.
This proved to be synergy, the whole greater than the parts.
Because it was near impossible to leave the house without key or wallet, I always found both before going. During the ensuing years I misplaced the combo several times but never lost it once. (This dovetails nicely with the golf theory that balls are never truly lost, just misplaced for longer periods of time.)
About five years ago I began trying to carry a cell phone with me as well. Actually, "trying" is a generous word, as I rarely remembered to take the gizmo and I lost the phone about as often as Taylor Swift scores a hit record.
I tried extending the key/wallet combo to include the phone but the only items I could find to fit all three were pocketbooks designed for women. This was okay but they seemed to come only in pastel colors and/or with paisley prints. It's so hard to accessorize an orange hat.
For a while I used a pink paisley one (fashion be damned) but it proved too big to fit in a pocket. Then last summer I hit on the idea of using a fanny pack to carry everything and it's worked well. Since it doesn't have to fit in a pocket I can put a lot more in it like reading glasses, flashlight, Swiss Army Knife, bottle opener, toiletry and first aid kits, darts, a jigger of salt (for emergency margaritas), snacks, notepad and pen.
To keep things at hand and at the same time ensuring that everything goes back in the pouch, I bought a couple of retracting key leashes, the kind custodians and night watchmen use. I zipped-tied the reels to the inside of the bag and attached my keys, phone, etc. to the other end. When I need something now I just tug on the leash; when I'm done I let go and it automatically reels back into the pouch. To passing motorists it looks like I'm playing Cat's Cradle while driving.
It's slicker than an automatic chicken door closer.
Speaking of golf, as you read this Sabra and I will be in Tampa, Fla., for a short getaway playing golf.
It's been 10 years since we married on Valentine's Day. Picking the day of love to get married was a sheer act of genius on my part as I've not forgotten our anniversary once, and it's saved me buying a decade worth of extra presents. Sabra has odd tastes so it's hard to buy gifts for her. I'm in extra trouble this year because it will be hard to top the motion sensing, deer repellent I got her last year and the motorized Swiffer the year before.
Who says romance is dead?
It's been a great decade: in a former life I must have done something very good to deserve the love of such a wonderful woman. She's a capable and energetic partner, my best friend and is good-hearted to no end. She lets me tease and exaggerate about her in this space with good humor and a smile.
She's perfect.
My fanny pack is still short of perfection, however. When I strap it around my waist my gut hangs over enough so that I can't get at the contents without removing it. After going through the buckling/unbuckling process a few times I stopped putting it around my waist and now simply sling it over my shoulder.
I like to think of my fanny pack as a utility belt, but basically it's my purse.
This leaves me open to more personal attacks like the ones made by the author of a guest opinion published recently on these pages.
In case you missed it, the Rush Limburg wannabe called me a "zealot, a socialist, an atheist, a writer of dribble, deranged, brazenly stupid and excessively hormonal"
Now he can add "sissy" because I carry a purse.
Ouch. |
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