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Facebook is back


When Pearl and I walk we have an understanding.
As long as she stays by my side with the leash slack, I’ll let her take a few breaks so she can stop and smell... well, anything and everything including... the roses.
I’m of the opinion the information available from a small patch of grass other dogs have peed upon is so vast it’s beyond comprehension to the human mind. Not only can they tell who made the wee, but what they’ve been eating, where they’ve been, who they visited with recently and how they’ve been feeling lately. In other words, it’s doggy Facebook without the need for an account, user name or PIN.
So Pearl’s an excellent, sweet dog and I don’t mind waiting, occasionally, while she checks and writes her pee-mail from time to time.
I really should be as patient with Sabra, who of late has fallen into the Facebook vortex. I didn’t think it was possible because she approaches any kind of computer– lap, desktop or tablet– like the TSA: it’s a potential bomb that could explode if someone happens to punch the wrong key. You can see it in her body posture. While some people, especially the young, will lean in and punch keys with abandon and joy anticipating some new technological marvel, Sabra leans back and braces herself for the boom. As a result, her learning curve for things with buttons is somewhat flat.
I admit I’m not good for much around the house. I don’t wash, vacuum, scrub, polish, clean, launder, brush or scour as well as her, but if I die she’s going to need to call someone to change channels from Longmire to the Cubs and back. She’ll give it a try, if she has to, but she’ll do it like an old time X-ray technician at a dentist’s office, around the corner and behind something heavy.
So, needless to say, she’s been slow to embrace the latest technology.
For quite a few years actually, she’s been dismissive of others and me when she catches you taking a peek at a cell phone. And she does have a point. Have you hung out with any kids lately? You’re lucky if they look up if you yell “fire!” much less ask, “how’s school going?” Or, have you been out with friends only to realize everyone is checking their Twitter account?
But she discovered something so totally amazing and intriguing on Facebook she simply can’t turn away: videos of animals acting so cute and funny she just can’t turn away. It’ll be time to be out the door for church or some other social engagement and I’ll find her mesmerized at her iPad watching a video of someone’s cat hiding in a box.
And once she’s started watching, she feels compelled to watch it to the warm, fuzzy, 20-minutes-later, end. Someday I fear I’ll be bleeding to death and she’ll be watching a video of a basset hound hitting the keys on a piano with its paws and howling to beat the band.
“I’m feeling weak and why is it getting dim in here?” I’ll ask feebly.
“Just a sec,” she’ll reply, making a stop sign with the palm of her hand.
But I do have to admit Facebook has become much more fun now that a decent human being and his family are no longer in the White House. I have a few cousins– you can pick your friends but not your family– who felt compelled to post a half-dozen times a day the latest something terrible lying Barrack Obama or his family did. Soldiers are dying and he’s playing golf. Bombs are exploding and Michelle’s having tea. The world is going to hell and here’s a false news story proving his teenage daughter is pregnant.
But now that the Trumps– a president that doesn’t play golf and with a family history so pure that no one can question their morals– are in the White House the smear posts have subsided. Facebook is again what made it popular: photos of friends and family with the occasional joke or funny animal video.
Got to go, Pearl needs to check her accounts.